Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
