Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
