if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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