Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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