just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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