1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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