We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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