Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
