We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
