I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize