He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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