You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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