Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
