I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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