I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
