you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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