that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
