I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
