I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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