evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
