The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
