I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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