is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
