i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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