if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
