I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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