yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
