I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
