I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
