i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
