3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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