I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
