When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
