put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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