Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
