apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
