I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you never un-have a 4some
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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