I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
