Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have post one night stand depression
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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