How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
