we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
