I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
