How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
