he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize