Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
