dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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