your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
