Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
