life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize