A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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