so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
