Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize