hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
