I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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