Pappa wants mamma naked
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
