Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
