You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
