what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
