hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
