She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
