im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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