singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize