I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
