That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
