Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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