He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
