Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.

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(707): View more from California

why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?

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(330): View more from Ohio

I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.

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(217): View more from Illinois

3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about

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(804): View more from Virginia

WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY

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(626): View more from California

they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed

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