found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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